


How Bad Do You Want It?

by ohhhkenneth



Category: GOT7, Markson - Fandom
Genre: Abuse, Captivity, Death, Eating Disorders, M/M, Rape, Romance, Rough Sex, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:31:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohhhkenneth/pseuds/ohhhkenneth
Summary: “What are you doing?” The voice startled me, waking me up from my reverie.“Nothing. Just… thinking.” I shot back with an annoyed tone at the girl sitting next to me in class.Fuck, I was doing it again. I was staring.His name is Jackson Wang, and if it were possible to find words to describe the most perfect human being, well… you’d be looking at him.He’s a year younger than me, born March 26, 1994. I know this because I read his school file.He’s an Aries, has beautiful brown eyes, and even though he doesn’t do his hair often, it always seems to be perfectly styled.His Zodiac sign is dog, he’s got O blood type, and he’s about five foot eight inches.I’d say he’s around 137 pounds, but recently he’s started going to the gym four times a week instead of only twice, so I’d estimate he’s gone up about five pounds give or take in the last few weeks, making him closer to 145 pounds… yeah, 145.The new muscle looked good on him, it suited him more. The only downside to it is that he has started getting more attention from the girls in class. They cling to him as if he's some sort of life raft in a hurricane; it sickens me.Jackson deserves someone that’s loyal to him, someone he can trust with all of his secrets and most importantly his heart – someone like me.I'd never hurt Jackson. I'd do anything to get him to notice me.His name is scratched into the inside of my binder, along with an old hockey picture of him I swiped from the yearbook office. I’d love to be the one he trusts his heart to. The only problem?I’m a boy.A/N: This is a chaptered story I will be writing over the next month, it will include some things which warrant a trigger warning, some things I've never explored before in writing like abuse, torture, sexual assault, and violence to name a few.It will ultimately be a Markson love story, but I use that term loosely, because you'll have to decide what it is to you, if you can consider it love.Start date: 7/18/2017Please subscribe to read the entire thing and receieve notifications about when a new update is released. Please upvote the story if you sincerely enjoy it. Please comment any of your favorite moments, your criticisms, and your feedback.Consider following me on Instagram/Tumblr/SnapChat: @ohhhkennethxoxo





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **“What are you doing?” The voice startled me, waking me up from my reverie.**
> 
>  
> 
> **“Nothing. Just… thinking.” I shot back with an annoyed tone at the girl sitting next to me in class.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Fuck, I was doing it again. I was staring.**
> 
>  
> 
> **His name is Jackson Wang, and if it were possible to find words to describe the most perfect human being, well… you’d be looking at him.**
> 
>  
> 
> **He’s a year younger than me, born March 26, 1994. I know this because I read his school file.**
> 
>  
> 
> **He’s an Aries, has beautiful brown eyes, and even though he doesn’t do his hair often, it always seems to be perfectly styled.**
> 
>  
> 
> **His Zodiac sign is dog, he’s got O blood type, and he’s about five foot eight inches.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I’d say he’s around 137 pounds, but recently he’s started going to the gym four times a week instead of only twice, so I’d estimate he’s gone up about five pounds give or take in the last few weeks, making him closer to 145 pounds… yeah, 145.**
> 
>  
> 
> **The new muscle looked good on him, it suited him more. The only downside to it is that he has started getting more attention from the girls in class. They cling to him as if he's some sort of life raft in a hurricane; it sickens me.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Jackson deserves someone that’s loyal to him, someone he can trust with all of his secrets and most importantly his heart – someone like me.**
> 
>  
> 
> **I'd never hurt Jackson. I'd do anything to get him to notice me.**
> 
>  
> 
> **His name is scratched into the inside of my binder, along with an old hockey picture of him I swiped from the yearbook office. I’d love to be the one he trusts his heart to. The only problem?**
> 
>  
> 
> **I’m a boy.**
> 
> * * *
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> A/N: This is a chaptered story I will be writing over the next month, it will include some things which warrant a trigger warning, some things I've never explored before in writing like abuse, torture, sexual assault, and violence to name a few. 
> 
>  
> 
> It will ultimately be a Markson love story, but I use that term loosely, because you'll have to decide what it is to you, if you can consider it love.
> 
>  
> 
> Start date: 7/18/2017
> 
>  
> 
> Please subscribe to read the entire thing and receieve notifications about when a new update is released. Please upvote the story if you sincerely enjoy it. Please comment any of your favorite moments, your criticisms, and your feedback.
> 
>  
> 
> Consider following me on Instagram/Tumblr/SnapChat: @ohhhkenneth
> 
>  
> 
> xoxo  
>   
> 

`**My name is Mark. I am twenty-three years old,** but I’ve been told that I look younger. Most people guess that I am around eighteen because of my slim frame and my baby-face.`

` I wasn’t always this skinny, though. I used to be more active, eat more, sleep more, all that. But when you get diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of twenty, it tends to affect you.`

`I transferred to this school shortly after the death of my grandmother. She was the last of any remaining immediate family I had, every other living relatives I have live in China back home.`

`My parents were young when they had me, my mother gave birth at only seventeen years old. She was disowned from the family and was forced to move to Canada with her husband out of desperation.`

`I grew up with them only briefly, shortly after my third birthday a drunk driving accident claimed both of their lives. I was staying with a lonely woman that was kind enough to help out my struggling parents at the time, who I have come to call my grandmother because she was the closest thing I ever had to one.`

`I guess I should consider myself lucky though, I wasn’t in the car with them when they were hit. I’m still alive. My therapist tells me that’s worth something.`

`My grandmother’s only asset was her small two bedroom condo in the slums of downtown that she inherited from her passing husband, and now that she was gone too, it’s mine.`

`Another thing I can be thankful for, according to my therapist: at least I’m not homeless.`

`Except sometimes I feel like I am. Nobody comes to visit me, I don’t have friends, I don’t have family. I don’t even own a pet. Part of me, although embarrassing to admit, feels relieved that nobody is in my life. I was horrible around people anyway.`

`Last year, when I transferred here, a girl in my fourth block class asked me if I was bulimic. She centered me out in the middle of class and accused me of throwing my food up, she claimed she saw me outside in the alley of the school, storing small jars of vomited food in my backpack.`

`She was right.`

`But I couldn’t admit that to the entire class, so instead I shouted at her to leave me alone over and over to the point where I was almost in tears. I remember this because that was the first time I knew I was going to be alone. There was no way I was going to be able to survive all alone at this school.`

`That was until I saw _him._`

` He is in most of my introductory courses, and he likes to sit near the front of the room because that’s where most of his friends sit. I sit in the back of the room the majority of the time, because it’s easier to hide from unwanted social interactions there.`

`By now people treated me like a ghost, or some sort of odd shadow in the back that they sometimes scoffed at or shot disgusted looks to.`

`I didn’t mind anymore, I honestly didn’t even notice it these days. I was too busy in my own world.`

`I had a new focus: Jackson Wang.`

`It was second block, just before lunch time when I entered the class room. Like clockwork, I huddled into the back row of the room, planted my backpack down and tossed my hood over my head.`

`I was usually the first one in class, I liked it better that way. There’s a certain gut-wrenching anxiety that comes over me when I have to come into class once everyone is already settled, allowing them to examine me the entire distance from the door to my seat, if I can even find a free seat by then.`

`No, I had everything down to a science. I knew how to manage now, leaving as small of an impression on people as I could. It was easier this way, and although I wasn’t happy, I was okay.`

`Second period on Thursdays was my absolute favorite time. It meant Jackson was done his morning workout, was most likely wearing some sort of loose fitting shorts paired with a black tank, and was probably matted in a thin layer of sweat – just enough to make his skin glow in the morning sun.`

`Sure enough, one minute before the bell, Jackson enters the room. He’s wearing exactly what I presumed, except the tank was white today, not black.`

`He smirks and nods a ‘ _what’s up_ ’ to his friends as he spots them in the front row before finding a seat near them.`

`Jackson was well-liked by everybody on campus. In my years that I’ve known about Jackson, I don’t think I’d ever heard somebody say something horrible or even remotely close to negative about him. It just wasn’t something people could do – Jackson was everybody’s friend. The guys wanted to be his friend, and the girls wanted him inside of them.`

`Jackson was what people referred to as a prep-jock. Even though he didn’t partake in any sports or the like, and didn’t have the highest grades in the school, he was athletic enough to hang out with the jocks, and smart enough that he could engage people in intellectual conversations, or even tutor you if you needed it.`

`He was a well-rounded young man, nobody could deny it. There were even talks about Jackson being the most popular boy in our year. I didn’t want to look too far into that claim, but it’s not like it’s a stretch to assume that he could very well be, everyone knew of him.`

`I lowered my head until my chin was brushing the top of the desk, pulled out my notebook quietly, and flipped to the page I had left off on. I wasn’t taking notes from the lecture, nor was I studying anything related to school at all. I was documenting _him._`

> ` _"Thursday, October 9 th – Economics, 11:00AM. _ `
> 
> `Jackson is wearing grey basketball sweats and a white colored wife beater. Slight puffiness under his eyes suggests lack of sleep the night before."`

`“ _What were you doing last night, my love?”_ I hummed to myself, etching the final details of his appearance into my notebook.`

` It was a habit that was now hopelessly engrained into my daily activities. I had no choice but to do this, something inside me wouldn’t allow me to stop.`

`At least people assumed I was taking notes, nobody seemed to notice or care, especially not Jackson. He never noticed me, ever.`

`What would he do if he knew how much I liked him, if he knew that I wrote about him religiously? I sometimes wondered.`

`He would probably think I was a bit odd, then go back to ignoring me. Jackson wasn’t the type of person to create confrontation or animosity. He didn’t have a violent bone in his body.`

`Part of me wished he would find out about my crush on him, somehow, just clue-in about it without me having to tell him. It had been two years now, and I was starting to get curious, Jackson hadn’t dated for months.`

`His last girlfriend was a terrible person; she was always demanding his time and asking him to buy her things like purses and cellphones, insignificant trinkets. I could tell it was bothering him, and when he showed up in second block not wearing her necklace, I knew he had broken up with her before he even admitted it.`

`I knew Jackson better than anyone, yet I had never had a conversation with him. I shivered at the thought of speaking words to him, causing me to adjust myself in my seat and pull down on the hood I was wearing so that it covered the remaining red hair that was peeking out from under it.`

`Class ended the way it usually did. The lights turned on, the professor shut off the PowerPoint, slammed his laptop closed, and speed walked out of the room.`

`One by one students collected their belongings and headed for the door like a funnel of ants. I sat back for an extra minute, allowing the crowd to disperse completely before making my quick escape. This gave me time to take in Jackson’s cute giggle and his smooth smile one last time as he joked with his friends before leaving.`

`Once everyone was gone I headed for Jackson’s seat. I placed my backpack on the top of the wooden desk and then sat down gently. The bottom of the seat was warm and smelled just like him, for a brief moment I felt as though I was touching him. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, every inch of my thighs and butt being warmed by the space he was sitting just moments ago.`

`When the plastic of the seat began to cool and the aroma was fading away, I gathered my things and prepared to leave. As I lifted myself from the chair I couldn’t help but notice a silver pen in the cubby of the desk. It was Jackson’s pen.`

`I lifted the small tool in my hands, examined it for a moment, and then placed it in my pocket quickly, taking a quick one-over of my surroundings to make sure no one had seen me take it.`

`My heartbeat quickened as I walked home that day, the small silver pen burning a hole in my pocket the entire twenty minute distance.`

`This pen, as insignificant as it was, meant I had a connection to him. A tangible, real life reason to start a conversation with him; I had a moral obligation to return his belongings, I thought. I _needed_ to give him his pen back.`

` I felt my throat go dry and my pulse quicken, my palms becoming clammy. It was settled. Tomorrow I would approach Jackson after classes were finished and give him his pen back, he would have no choice but to speak to me, then.`


	2. Chapter 2

` **I sat near the back of the room like always** ` ` , tapping my fingers against the desk gently out of anxiety. Jackson would be here any moment now, would he know that I took his pen? Would he be upset?`

`When the remainder of the people from the hallway shuffled into the room, it took me a moment to realize that Jackson wasn’t one of them. The professor waltzed into the room and slammed the door behind him, eager to begin the lesson.`

`Jackson wasn’t there. His seat was empty.`

`I stood up straight in my chair, did another glance around the room, scanning for his face but coming up with nothing.`

`_“Where are you, love?”_ I thought to myself.`

` Jackson was an empathetic, kind, and charismatic soul. He was a model citizen, a trustworthy friend, and not someone that would skip classes, especially not when midterms were fast approaching. This was out of character for him.`

`_‘He never misses class, and hasn’t since last year. Since…’_ I opened the matted notebook I had stored in my backpack, flipping through the past entries until I came to a blank space, ‘March 5th, last year.’`

`I rubbed my finger over the sheet of paper, circling my skin over the empty space, ‘ _He was getting his annual teeth cleaning that day, and only missed two blocks. I remember that day well.’_`

` I couldn’t figure it out; he had no scheduled appointments, not that I’d known of. I made it a habit to remember his timetable back to front, this was an anomaly.`

`I felt a small ounce of anxiety rumble in my feet and run up my legs, and it wasn’t from the pen this time.`

`_Is he in danger?_ I thought immediately.`

` I packed away my notebook and rose from my chair without even fully thinking through the action. I slithered through the room, dodging past the desks of students that were busy writing notes.`

`The professor gave me a questioning glance as I got near the front of the room, I timidly pointed toward the door as if I needed to pee, and he nodded with a reluctant sigh.`

`I slipped out of the room and closed the door gently behind me. The halls were empty, everyone was in class. Our campus was a decent size, but I had spent so much time alone at school avoiding people that I knew every single nook and cranny in the entire vicinity.`

`_I hope you’re okay…_ I whispered in my head as I made my way to the room that he had his last class in, it was near the south end of the campus, the Health Sciences building.`

`When I reached the corridor that his class was in, I could see the door wide open, the entire room was empty. I felt my high hopes dissipate; realizing that he probably wasn’t at school.`

`My nerves growing wilder, I decided to head to every room that I knew he took class in, standing outside of each door, taking inconspicuous glances through the windows to see if I could see him. Maybe I had gotten his timetable wrong, maybe he had switched a class or two.`

`After twenty minutes of searching, I realized it was hopeless; Jackson wasn’t in class at all, if he was even at school today at all. I was just about to give up and retreat back to my old class until I realized that I had his phone number.`

`I had watched Jackson sign up at a bulletin board for a book club during his summer classes, and I used that as my opportunity to find out his phone number without having to ask him for it personally.`

`What would I do though; I couldn’t call him from my phone, he’d know it was me. It would be so creepy to get a phone call from a person that you go to school with but hardly know. I wouldn’t be able to explain how I got his number.`

`But I was desperate - I _needed_ to know he was okay.`

` I sat down on the bench outside the engineering wing, took out my cell phone and dialed *67, knowing that it would block my calling ID from showing up on his phone. I entered Jackson’s number and hit CALL.`

`My leg was shaking nervously, listening to the first ring tone go through. Within seconds, I heard his unmistakable ring tone go off; but it wasn’t coming from my phone… it was coming from his… behind me.`

`I swung my head around, terrified. Jackson was standing ten feet behind me on the sidewalk, a cute brunette girl walking at his side, I recognized her as someone he sat with in second block. She was pretty.`

`I didn’t know her name. What was she doing with him, anyway? _Why was she resting her hand on his back?_`

` “That’s weird.” He said, looking at his vibrating phone.`

`“What is?” The girl tugged at his arm, wanting to see the screen of his phone too.`

`“I never get blocked calls, I wonder who it’s from.” He answered, taking a step off the sidewalk away from the girl. “I should take this, it might be important. Don’t worry it’ll only be a sec.”`

`The girl made a pouty face but nodded, pulling out her own phone to distract herself while he answered his.`

` _“Hello, this is Jackson.”_ `

` I panicked and cleared my throat just then, petrified as I realized I had to actually speak to him.`

`This was the first time I’d actually spoken to Jackson; this was not supposed to be how it went, though.`

`I hesitated at first, wondering if I should just hang up and forget the whole thing, I knew he was safe, that’s all I wanted to know.`

`“ _Hello?..._ ”`

`I snapped out of it and took a harsh swallow, using all of my effort to mask my voice, pulling as much air from my stomach as I could to drop my voice depth about three registers.`

`“Hi! You have been chosen as a random caller to complete a customer satisfaction survey, to complete the survey please press-“`

`*click*`

`Jackson had hung up on me instantly. I felt air finally find its way back into my lungs, a sigh of relief I thought would never come.`

`“Who was it?” I heard the girl ask as he joined her back on the sidewalk.`

`“Eh, some dumb telemarketing scam.” He replied with a laugh, putting his arm around her shoulders to escort her.`

`I felt my jawbone clench seeing them together, my hands balling into fists.`

`“Wanna go back to my place?” he said to her, giving her his award winning smile, the smile he used when he knew he was being charming.`

`It worked.`

`She blushed and smiled, running a hand through her long soft hair, giggling as she looked at the sidewalk.`

`“Yeah, alright.” She finally nodded, “I’ve always wanted to skip class. My dad will kill me, but whatever.”`

`I took a few steps back as they got closer to me, eventually walking past me on the bench. I couldn’t do anything but stare, I was overcome with anger.`

`Jackson never mentioned anything to his friends about a girlfriend; usually he at least had a conversation with them about dating someone, which was a warning for me to be prepared to see him with someone.`

`I couldn’t help that Jackson was an attractive, single man that was lusted after by a lot of people, but at least I was usually able to prepare myself for the times he actually did date. This girl seemingly came out of left field.`

`When they were getting far enough off of campus for me not to be in ear shot anymore, I stood from the bench and wandered behind them in their direction.`

`Why Jackson was willing to skip class for this girl was beyond me. _Was he that into her that he’d go against his proper, do-gooder student nature?_`

` They crossed the road and walked further away, officially leaving campus territory. I watched their figures disappear around a corner.`

`Curious, I followed for a minute before I reached the same intersection of traffic. I looked back at the school, then ahead again. The light turned green.`

`I figured that I was already gone for too long to ever have gotten away with the excuse of peeing; but I also knew that the professor was most likely not even aware I was still gone. The other students weren’t, that’s for sure.`

` _Nobody would notice even if I never showed up for school again._ `

` I took a step off the curb and headed in the direction of Jackson and the girl. I felt the pen in my back pocket with every step I took, a subtle reminder that even if I did manage to get caught following them, at the _very least_ I had an excuse to give them, even if it was a really pathetic one.`

` I caught a glimpse of them again, two blocks ahead of me, walking at a leisurely pace. They were laughing now; Jackson probably made a joke, and she probably laughed way too hard at it in an attempt to flirt.`

`I tensed up again watching her slim frame next to his broad and strong back. He was wearing a university hoody, but even then you could tell he was a thick man. As I watched her sashay next to him, I couldn’t help but picture them having sex.`

`_What would you look like fucking a woman?_ I wondered, staring at him from behind. His steps were confident and smooth, the strides wide and long, she took double the steps just to keep up.`

` He would most likely be a great love maker, someone that knew his way around a body, and how to make it feel good.`

`After ten minutes of walking, we entered a really fancy area of town called Lewis Estates. I had heard he lived there, but never gathered the courage to find out exactly _where._ It was a gated community, and new visitors were required to sign in at the large gate if they were driving or a smaller gate further down the street if they were walking.`

`Only residents of the community could walk in and out as they pleased, everything was electronically controlled for safety.`

`The houses were all identical looking, but still extremely fancy. Each house looked to be at least three quarters of a million, at _least_. It wasn’t uncommon to see two or three cars in the driveways of each house. There were boats, too.`

` Jackson pulled out an electronic key and swiped it at the small gate, holding his arm out to let the girl enter before him. He was a gentleman, after all, I thought.`

`I froze up when I realized I was standing just half a block away. Jackson walked through behind her, not closing the gate as he rummaged through the community mailbox that was on the other side.`

`I used this as my chance to sneak closer and closer, hugging the wall as I approached. I stood silently next to the gate, pulling my phone out to remain inconspicuous as I waited for him to close the gate.`

`When he was finished checking his mail, I heard the small box slam shut and him take a few steps closer to the gate, giving it a gentle push to which it creaked slightly.`

`He walked away at a faster pace in order to meet back up with the girl who had gone ahead to admire the houses. I slid foot near the inside of the gateway, silently stopping it before it completely latched again and locked.`

`I waited thirty seconds before walking in, just for good measure. When I did, I placed a small rock where my foot was to avoid it locking again, in case I needed to make a quick escape.`

`The community was beautiful; there were about eighty houses or so altogether, all surrounding a large man-made lake in the middle of the area. I spotted Jackson and the girl approaching a large grey house that looked to be a small mansion, I assumed it was Jackson’s place.`

`Jackson lived with his mom, his dad lived overseas, he was the owner of a very successful investment firm, and almost never came home. I often heard Jackson make jokes about only having one parent.`

`I stared up and down the large home from behind a bush across the street, knowing now just how successful his father’s company actually _was_. When the two entered the house and shut the door behind them, I made my move to get closer, jogging lightly across the street.`

` I crouched behind their front deck, next to a large concrete angel statue; I had a slight glimpse of the front lobby from there, where Jackson was helping the girl take off her jacket.`

`I felt my palms get sweaty when I saw him kiss the girl on the neck, leading his hands into her waist. She responded by wrapping her arms loosely around his neck and closed her eyes, clearly enjoying his kisses.`

`I watched her with a flat, dead stare. I wanted to kill her in that moment, I wanted to run away and never see her or his face ever again, yet my feet were frozen in place, and my eyes would just _not_ – _could not –_ look away.`

`I couldn't leave now. I had finally found out where Jackson Wang lives.`


	3. Chapter 3

** ` I watched with vigilance as Jackson led the girl from the lobby further into the house,` ** ` out of my line of sight. Annoyed, I ran to the side of the house and hunting for them through the many windows, my eyes locked onto the back of their outlines as they made their way through the house.`

`Every now and again the girl giggled, playfully shouting for Jackson to stop. I could feel my teeth bite down hard onto my lip whenever I heard her laughs.`

`They finally stopped at a small bedroom near the back end of the house; I presumed it was a guest bedroom. The house was on an incline from the back deck, and in order for me to even get a glimpse into the bedroom I needed to prop up a lawn chair and stand on it.`

`I slowly lifted my head and caught a small glimpse through the slit in the curtains. Jackson had the woman pinned down on the bed, she was smiling and wrapping her legs around his waist as he violently kissed at her neck area.`

`If looks could kill, I would’ve been able to murder the girl on spot. She had one of her free hands running through the locks of Jackson’s black hair, balling a fistful of it every once and a while as a response to him biting at her neck.`

`I was focused on the girl’s facial expressions for the most part, watching her experience the lust filled advances of Jackson, watching her experience everything I had ever wanted. That was until Jackson removed his shirt.`

`He was starting to get a bit hot, small glistening beads of sweat matted his shoulders and the top of his forehead, near his hairline, wetting his roots. He took his shirt off in a fluid motion and tossed it aside, his rippling hard body finally being freed.`

`I examined my surroundings quickly; I wanted to make sure nobody could see me as I watched from the window. Luckily, the entire backyard was surrounding in large trees, making it near impossible to get a view of the backyard from the outside.`

`_“Jackson wait, I’m- I’m scared.”_ The girl whimpered, placing a hand onto his chest.`

`Jackson backed up off her for a minute, confusion in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” he exhaled gruffly.`

`The girl looked shy lying under him, with a timid look in her eyes.`

`“I’ve never… you know… before..” She whispered.`

`I was just as confused as Jackson, the girl seemed to be extremely into it, and if I had to guess, it wasn’t her first time getting down with a guy.`

`“It’s okay, I’ll go slow.” Jackson reassured her, leaning in for another kiss. He took her by the back of the head and pulled her into his face, his other hand working away at her blouse.`

`When the girl’s top was off and Jackson was now unbuttoning her jeans, she gave out a small, scared moan again.`

`Her lips parted, almost as if she wanted to stop Jackson again but was too scared to.`

`Jackson looked her in the eyes and then pinned her harder down to the bed, he smiled in his devilishly handsome way and then said something that made my dick swell even from outside the room.`

`“You gonna let me have it or am I going to have to take it, sweetie?” he whispered in a stern and dark tone.`

`I had never been more attracted to Jackson than in that moment, watching him propped up over her, with his muscles flexing to keep himself up, and his dominating presence towering over her small frame.`

`I reached down hesitantly, slipping a hand under the waistband of my jeans, eager to touch the erection I now had. When I moved my feet to get better positioning, I felt the chair lose balance under me, rattling a bit before falling forward and hitting the side panels of the house in a very noticeable crashing sound.`

`_“What the fuck?!”_ Jackson shot out, his voice heading directly towards the window I was now hiding under from the outside.`

` I felt my heart slamming against my sternum, the drumming of its beats pounding away in my ears. My fingertips went cold as I pressed myself as hard as I could against the wall, hoping and praying in my head that he wouldn’t see me from his tight angle.`

`“Hello?” Jackson spoke out of the window into the large backyard, “Is someone there?”`

`I took a breath in and held it, every fiber of my being going still as Jackson stood just a foot above me, scouring the area.`

`When he gave up and headed back, I knew I needed to escape.`

`I slowly stood up, making sure to not make any more noise. I could hear Jackson speaking inside the room, so I knew that if I made a run for it now, he wouldn’t be able to see me.`

`I took that opportunity and made a quick dash back down the side of the house, making sure to run on the balls of my feet to reduce the sound my sneakers made. I broke into a run once I knew I was out of earshot of the window and sped out the front lawn, onto the sidewalk, and back towards the front gate of the community where the door was still waiting partly open and unlocked for me.`

`*`

`I spent the weekend exactly how I spent most weekends – at home, alone, surfing the internet on my laptop.`

`Sunday night I knew I needed to find out more about _her._ I crossed my legs and placed the laptop down on the floor.`

` My bed left little to be desired; it was a small two inch mat lying on the floor with a thread bare sheet and a small pillow. I wasn’t that picky, though.`

`I went to Facebook first, then to Jackson’s profile. It was bookmarked.`

`I wasn’t logged into my account though; Jackson wouldn’t accept any requests from people he didn’t know. That’s why I needed him to _think_ he knew me.`

`I created a fake profile a year ago under the name “Suzanne Fletcher.” I filled the profile with pictures of an older woman with a lot of dogs and children, made sure to post at least three times a week, and commented regularly on news articles and things that were completely mundane and wouldn’t draw any suspicions.`

`I made sure to send Jackson a message before friend requesting him. As far as he was concerned I was a business partner of his father’s overseas who had heard a lot about him.`

`I knew enough about Jackson to know that he wouldn’t care much about whom his father was friends with, and that it was just the sort of thing his father would do, to let work related people try to reach out to him.`

`Jackson accepted my request, and from then on I had been stalking his profile day in and day out, trying to find out everything I could. He had 789 friends, majority of them being from school and his family.`

`It only took me fourteen minutes to find _her._`

` Her name is Jasmine. She’s in the same class as us, that much I knew, but there was more. She was a popular girl, all of her photos were well liked over hundreds of times, and her friends list was almost maxed.`

`She was studying to become a pharmacist, she liked horses, and she had a little sister.`

`I scrolled through for a few more minutes before I felt my jealousy start to flare up even more than I could stomach at that time. I bookmarked her profile and X’d out of it, opting to go back to Jackson’s.`

`You could say it’s pretty pathetic of me to have memorized every single profile picture of his, that’s because it is. I couldn’t help it though, he was so photogenic. There were a few photos of him wearing shorts that were perfect for keeping me warm on cold nights.`

`When I had done my routinely visit of his profile and found out there was nothing new posted, I closed my laptop, laid my head back in bed, then pulled his Instagram up on my cell phone.`

`Luckily his Instagram wasn’t private, he allowed anyone to view it - how generous of him.`

`I immediately scrolled to my favorite photo of him; it was a photo of him after what looked like a running marathon for a fundraiser. His friends dumped a bucket of water on his back at the finish line, wetting his white shirt. You could clearly see the outlines of his stomach muscles.`

`I laid alone in the dark, my gaze locked onto my small phone that was the only light in the room, my eyes traced up and down Jackson’s body. His smile was wide and toothy, like he didn’t have a worry in the world. He was so attractive without having to try. His muscles were tense and flared from the run, they were bulging out of his clothes, practically begging to be felt.`

`I closed my eyes and bit down on my lower lip, my free hand gripping my crotch. I rubbed it a little, imagining Jackson lying next to me, feeling his warm skin touching me. I suddenly had a flashback of Friday afternoon, seeing Jackson kiss Jasmine.`

`His grunts and moans were mesmerizing, and his masculine stature was something I wasn’t ever able to see through his Facebook posts or his Instagram photos. It was so real.`

`I began to rub myself harder, taking a more firm grasp at my cock. It was only a few moments before I felt the unmistakable surge of pleasure, about to tip me over the edge. Jackson was able to make me cum so quickly. I didn’t even need porn, he was my porn.`

`I finished quickly all over my stomach; the image of Jackson’s bare chest hovering over Jasmine was locked into my head, it was so hot.`

`*`

`On my way to class the next morning, I made sure to pack Jackson’s pen into my bag. I was already mentally prepared to see Jackson and Jasmine in class together, probably hand in hand, most likely a couple now.`

`It was hell thinking of them together; even though there was only a miracle chance that we’d ever be together, now it was nothing, because he was no longer single. I honestly hoped Jasmine would treat him well.`

`I entered the room first and found my seat. I placed my head down over my crossed arms, watching the bodies pile into the room one by one. I took a deep breath and braced myself for Jackson and Jasmine, but was surprised to see only Jackson enter the room. He found his seat with a few friends, but no Jasmine.`

`The professor entered afterward, and a minute later he was shutting the door and beginning his lecture. I double checked the people Jackson was sitting with, thinking maybe Jasmine had changed her hair color or something, but when I saw the girl sitting next to him turn her face, I knew it wasn’t her.`

`Jasmine’s seat was empty.`

` _Where was she?_ `

` Before I could dwell on that thought any longer, a school peace officer entered the room. He handed a sheet of paper to the professor and whispered a few things into his ear before leaving.`

`The professor looked stunned as the peace officer left, holding the paper in his hands. He adjusted his glasses, nodded, and then cleared his throat.`

`“Uhh- I don’t know how to put this, so I’m just going to say it.” He began, looking down at the sheet. “It appears as though one of our students has gone missing.”`

`There were a few audible gasps, all of the small chatter that people had going on fell silent, realizing the severity of the announcement.`

`The professor took a few steps into the front rows of the class, stopping at what would-be Jasmine’s seat. He placed a hand on the desk and shook his head a few times.`

`“Have any of you seen Jasmine recently?” he asked blankly, holding up the paper in his hands.`

`It was a large clear photo of Jasmine’s Facebook profile photo, the words “MISSING” plastered over top.`

`I felt my eyes grow wider and my breath get short. I was confused, because the last I had seen of Jasmine was Friday night.`

`I looked up at the professor, then glanced over at Jackson, his expression was completely blank.`

`“Has anyone seen her recently? Please, speak up now. This is no joking matter.” The professor repeated.`

`I felt words start to form in my throat, although it felt like vomit. I knew I needed to say something.`

`“You guys usually hang out with her, did you guys see her at all this weekend?” the professor was directing his questions toward Jackson’s friend circle.`

`“I haven’t seen her since Thursday. What about you guys?” Jackson’s expressionless face changed to a confused one. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at his friends who all returned the same baffled look.`

`I stopped myself from speaking up when I realized just what exactly was happening.`

` _Why was he lying?_ `


	4. Chapter 4

`The days following the news of Jasmine’s disappearance blanketed the campus like a cold snow.`

`There was a chilling silence that loomed over every student as they scurried home after class and made sure not to spend too long in the halls, always traveling in packs of three or more.`

`There were peace officers patrolling the areas around the campus, and even the student council was getting involved – they formed a special unit they called the “SafeWalk” program where they assigned a senior student council member to escort any students home that needed extra protection.`

`I was completely shocked by the whole thing; it made little sense that Jasmine could go missing just like that, no trail, no signs, no nothing. I knew Jackson was one of the last people to see her, but there was no way he could’ve ever done something to her; they were a couple after all.`

`I threw my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the classroom, watching as Jackson entered the student council office near the end of the hall. His face was hard and stern, like he was just as scared as everyone else.`

`I knew he had lied to our professor about seeing her, but seeing him now… it almost made sense for him to lie. Assuming he did nothing to Jasmine, admitting to seeing her last would make him the prime suspect for the police.`

`He would be investigated and painted as a criminal, regardless of whether he had done anything, and that negative exposure would destroy any opportunities that Jackson had at going to law school, or police academy, or any other dreams he was setting himself up for.`

`I dismissed telling my professor or the police about Jackson being with Jasmine for a few reasons: the first being the most obvious, if I told the police that Jackson had seen her last that would be me admitting that I too saw her last.`

`Second, I had no way to explain how I saw Jackson with Jasmine in his house together, behind multiple locked doors, inside a guarded, gated, private community. It would be too suspicious; I’d look like I had something to do with her missing, which I couldn’t handle.`

`And last, telling the police about Jackson and her together would obliterate any chances I ever had of getting to know Jackson, of being his friend, on top of ruining his future. I couldn’t do that—I wouldn’t do that.`

`Besides, it’s just as possible that Jasmine left Jackson’s place safe and sound and something happened to her that had nothing to do with Jackson.`

`I bit my lip, knowing full well that I was lying to myself, there’s nothing that could explain why Jackson was lying to everyone about seeing her. If he truly cared about her whereabouts and was innocent, he’d have no problem coming forward. It would save his future and his career because the truth would come out and it would free him from suspicion.`

`I sighed, staring towards the student council office, resigned to the idea I would be nothing more than an observer of this entire situation, unable to help, just as confused as everyone else.`

`When I got closer to the office, I noticed Jackson slipping on a reflective vest and arming himself with a flashlight. I supposed this was his scheduled shift to be an escort for a student.`

`Just then the silver pen in my pocket caught my attention, followed by a surge of intrigue filling my body. Before I could stop myself, I was knocking tensely on the office door, the pen in my other hand.`

`“Come in.” another student who worked in the office yelled. I pushed the door open and slid inside shyly, unsure of what I was even doing.`

`“Hi there.” The same boy said, smiling at me. I didn’t know the boy; he looked a lot younger than me, probably from a different year.`

`“Hey.” I said back, almost in a whisper. I still wasn’t sure what I would do. I just knew I needed to see Jackson.`

`“Did you need an escort home?” the boy said, holding up an application form.`

`“Y-yeah. I mean, yes that’s what I need.” I said, relieved that he offered it without me needing to ask.`

`The boy slid the form over across the desk in my direction and told me to fill out a few of my details. I took the form and sat on a free sofa in the small lobby.`

`While scribbling down my last name, I realized there was a section for “preferred student escort.” I immediately wrote Jackson’s name.`

`When I returned the form to the young man, he read over it briefly and then nodded, “Jackson is just in the back getting ready, I’ll send him out in a minute. Looks like you don’t live too far, so he will for sure be able to do it.”`

`I thanked the boy and returned to my seat, my leg bounced up and down anxiously as I waited. I pulled out my binder, using this spare time to doodle and keep my fidgeting hands busy.`

`Five or six minutes later the door from the back area opened and Jackson came walking through. His dark brown hair looked almost onyx in the low light. His eyes were still golden and warm though, and he looked handsome as ever as he approached me.`

`I felt myself almost smile as he walked closer, forcing myself not to. I looked down and waited for him to address me.`

`“Mark?” He said. I felt my fingers tremble. It was the first time I’d heard him say my name.`

`I looked up at him with a nod and a pursed smile.`

`“Ready to go?” He said, reading over the clipboard. “You live close to my place, I can just drive us instead of walking.”`

`I agreed, and lead us out of the office, down the hall, and out the main doors heading toward the parking lot.`

`We walked in silence, with me a few steps ahead of him. I stopped myself dead in my tracks when I realized I was walking, basically leading Jackson to his car, a car I wasn’t even supposed to know was his.`

`As I stopped, I made a confused face and looked towards Jackson for direction.`

`“This is me up here.” He said, pointing toward the black SUV I was already walking toward.`

`“Nice car…” I smiled back at him, heading to the passenger seat.`

`“Thanks, it’s costing me an arm and a leg.” He answered, jumping into the driver's seat. The car rumbled to life, and before long we were pulling out of the parking lot.`

`Jackson’s car was clean. It smelled like pine trees, and there was even protective plastic on the floor mats to prevent mud and water from dirtying the leather.`

`He drove with one hand barely touching the wheel, his chair reclined back far enough so he was relaxed.`

`“So..” I whispered, “What do you think about everything that’s going down on the campus? It’s crazy, right?”`

`I watched Jackson’s face carefully, searching for a reaction. He only blinked a few times and nodded back, his expression hardly changing.`

`“It’s… scary, yeah.” Jackson’s voice seemed a little shaky, something I wasn’t used to hearing from him. He seemed almost worried.`

`I pressed him a little more, eager to see what I could get from him.`

`“Cause you guys were friends, right?” I said, “You and Jasmine. You were close, right?”`

`Jackson peered at me for a split second, then back to the road. “We were friends, yes. We weren’t close though, I barely knew her outside of school. We had hung out a little.”`

`I leered at Jackson, the curiosity in my stomach digging at me; I was desperate to know what happened after I left his place that day.`

`“You two weren’t dating? You seemed awful close.” I said out of nowhere, in a gruff tone, almost like a jealous girlfriend. I immediately looked away to hide how stupid I felt asking him that.`

`“Uh, what makes you say that? Do you even know Jasmine?” He said, getting defensive.`

`He raised himself up in his seat and adjusted his posture. I could tell I annoyed him a little.`

`I shook my head and then swallowed nervously. “No, I don’t know her. I just figured, someone like you who is so popular… you’d be drawn to one of the most beautiful girls in the school.”`

`“Do you have a crush on her or something?” He said with a sarcastic chuckle.`

`I shot my glance back at him, “N-No. No. I don’t.” I assured him. He does not understand it was him I had the crush on, I thought.`

`“I don’t know where she is, I haven’t seen her for a while. Your guess is as good as mine.” Jackson said back, we were now pulling up to my apartment building.`

`Your guess is as good as mine, I thought. I felt it again, the word vomit. It was stuck in my throat like a large golf ball, making it hard to swallow past.`

`“Is this your place here?” Jackson asked, pointing toward the outside of the window. “Do you live alone? It looks small.”`

`Before I could answer him properly, I felt the words that had lingered there since I entered the car find their way past my tongue.`

`“What happened after you brought Jasmine to your house on Friday, Jackson?” I said, my voice shaky, hoping for an answer that would satisfy my need to know.`

`Jackson’s jaw visibly clenched at my question.`

`“What?” he said in almost a whisper, his voice was pointed.`

`I stared outside the window; we were parked directly in front of my apartment building. I had to steady my breathing; I didn’t want Jackson to see my nerves through my expression.`

`“I saw you with her. You left school together. You skipped class.” I was looking down towards my feet now. I felt as though if I didn’t look at him, he wouldn’t be able to see through my fear.`

`When I finally peered over a little to the driver’s side, I was able to catch a glimpse of his grip on the steering wheel tighten; the leather making a small rubbing noise.`

`“You followed me?” he asked.`

`“I-I didn’t…” I coughed out. I had cornered myself. I didn’t realize I’d have to explain what I was doing watching him.`

`I looked out the window again; it was raining now. The small water beads collected on the window as I contemplated what to do next.`

`“You know what? You’re right. No one can be sure where she is right now. It’s best to leave this to the police.” I placed a nervous hand on the door handle. “It’s like you said to our professor, you didn’t see her since Thursday. I was probably just mistaking you for someone else on Friday.”`

`Before I could pull on the door, I heard the unmistakable click of the door’s side panel, the small lock disappearing into the locked position.`

`“J-Jackson?” I stuttered, looking over at him.`

`His head was lowered, his brown hair covering his face. His hands were still tight around the steering wheel, and I could make out a small grin on the side of his mouth.`

`“This is my apartment. I should go…” I said lowly, there was no doubt in my mind that my nervousness was noticeable in my voice by now.`

`“See now why’d you have to go and do that, Mark?” he said, smiling at me.`

`When Jackson turned his head to face me, I wasn’t able to see any trace left of the boy I’d admired in school all these years.`

`I pulled on the door handle again, hopelessly.`

`“You understand I can’t let you go now, right?” he said tiredly, as though I’d just inconvenienced him greatly.`


	5. Chapter 5

`My head was throbbing when I came to.`

`I pressed a hand against my temples, rubbing them to try to alleviate the pain. I was inside a really well-furnished living room, laying on a black leather sofa.`

`There was a large sized Indian rug that covered the entire floor in the room, golden trinkets and paintings were hanging on the wall.`

`It didn’t take me long to realize this was Jackson’s house. I knew as much from the time I followed him, and there was a photo of his grandparents on the mantle, whom I recognized from Facebook posts.`

`“You’re awake.” a voice startled me. It was more of a statement rather than a question.`

`“Jackson...” I said, my voice horse and dry.`

`“Here, I brought you this.” He glided over and placed a half-full glass of water on the coffee table next to me, then sat down promptly on the chair adjacent to me.`

`I eyed the glass of water, then looked at Jackson’s face, searching for an answer as to how I had blacked out. He looked concerned, his chiseled jaw strong and tight as he waited for me to drink.`

`I reached over and took a tiny sip of the water, my head still pounding with pain.`

`“What happened?” I finally coughed out, placing the water back on the table.`

`Jackson blinked a few times, letting out a sigh.`

`“Why don’t you tell me?” he asked, scooting to the edge of his seat while he leaned in to get closer to me. “You scared the crap out of me, you fainted.”`

`Jackson looked me dead in the eyes, his stare was soft and blanketing, I couldn’t help but feel like I was glad we were still together.`

`“It’s my job to escort students home safely, but after seeing you faint I realized I couldn’t leave you at your house in that condition, so I brought you here.”`

`I sat up on the couch, turning my body so that I was sitting now, with my legs hanging off the edge.`

`“I fainted...?” I was mostly talking to myself aloud; however, Jackson was more than happy to give me a play-by-play.`

`“You kept mumbling about not having ate that day, something about being dizzy from low blood sugar.” he explained. “You were about to open the door when I noticed your eyes roll back in your head, your body gave out and you sort of just fell backward into an odd sleep-state.”`

`I shut my eyes tight at hearing that - partly because my head was aching, but also partly because it was horrifying to hear how embarrassing I was in front of Jackson - it wasn’t exactly the same thing I remembered about the car ride, though.`

`“Um-” I spit out softly, “What about-”`

`“Mark.” Jackson interjected before I could continue. He transferred himself from his chair to the spot next to me on the couch, sliding over a few inches so that we were about a foot apart. “Is there something you wanna tell me?”`

`The look of concern in Jackson’s face was still there, still chipping away at any fear I had about the entire thing. Now that he was right next to my again, I could smell him and feel the safe presence come back over me.`

`“Tell you what?” I asked, scared about what he would say next.`

`“Do you... not eat sometimes... on purpose?” he was speaking as though he was just as confused as I was, as if the concept of starving yourself intentionally had never even entered his realm of thought before.`

`The words stung, not going to lie. I had to look away and free myself from his handsome gaze in order to relax.`

`I knew I couldn’t tell him the truth: that I would go ten, twenty hours having only had a small cup of water, or a granola bar that day, only to retreat to the confines of my room and release it back into a small mason jar, anyway.`

`I couldn’t tell him that sometimes I’d forget on purpose I hadn’t eaten in a whole day, almost two sometimes, until my body painfully reminded me with wrenching stomach pains and shaky hands.`

`“I forgot to eat that day, that’s all.” I said, still looking away. I couldn’t bring myself to stare at Jackson’s eyes as I lied to him.`

`The lies were the easiest part though. I was comfortable lying to people about my eating habits because I was well prepared with an ammunition of excuses for the inevitable times people would ask.`

`And any time someone questioned me about eating, all I’d need to do was go into my mind-bank and choose any of the hundred excuses about why I wasn’t eating - this time it just happened to be because I forgot.`

`“I don’t believe you.” Jackson said simply, leaning back into the black leather. “Not at all, actually.”`

`I deadpanned. Usually people didn’t pry further. Usually one lie was enough to make them either believe me and stop asking, or not believe me but be too uncomfortable to continue asking.`

`“I’m being honest. I was so busy with studying and school I forgot to grab something from the cafeteria before I left. I guess when you were driving me home I was just exhausted and hungry from not eating, which is why I fainted.” I defended myself, trying hard not to stutter.`

`“Besides, I’ve fainted before. I think I’m anemic.” Another lie. I was on a roll.`

`Humph, Jackson breathed out, I could tell from his expression he was getting impatient, and still didn’t believe me.`

`“You’re feeling better now, right?” he asked, looking over my face, a hand trailing forward to brush the hair out of my face.`

`I froze completely at his touch, his hands were like marble, so smooth and soft, yet powerful at the same time.`

`“I’m... fine.” I said through the stagnant pain in my temples, another lie.`

`“Good. I wanted to make sure you were all right.” Jackson said with a smile, his hand now resting dangerously close to my thigh.`

`I swear I had goosebumps as he talked. Jackson’s beauty wasn’t in the physical so much as it was in the emotional - the stuff you couldn’t see - but could feel.`

`And believe me, I could feel it all around me, it was swirling around my entire body like heroin.`

`The deepness of his voice, mixed with a suave and playful cadence was too difficult to not fall in love with.`

`“Do you need me to drive you home then?” Jackson asked, standing up from the couch. I felt a hint of sadness that our intimate moment was over.`

`“Sure. I feel fine anyway. I should get going.” I replied, looking around for my things.`

`“I left your backpack in the foyer. I’ll grab it for you.” Jackson said. I nodded as he disappeared into the large house.`

`I played the scene from his car over in my head - did I really imagine all of that? Was I really so tired and delirious that I can’t remember anything else?`

`I had never fainted before from lack of eating; I had been doing this for years; I knew my limits. Before I could delve too deeply into those thoughts, Jackson had returned.`

`“Ready to go?” He asked at the entrance of the room, his eyebrows lifted happily as he waited for my response.`

`“Actually, I think I’d like to walk home. It’s a nice day out by the looks, and I could probably use the fresh air.” I wasn’t successful in hiding my trepidation this time, my voice shaking.`

`“Are you sure, it’s about a twenty-minute walk. I can drive you there in three minutes.” He said, his cute eyebrows fading.`

`“Yeah... I don’t mind.” I said with a fake confidence, making for the door.`

`When I got to the doorway, he passed me my backpack.`

`“At least let me walk you home, it’s my job to make sure you get home safe. What kind of student leader would I be if I didn’t fulfill that duty at least?” his smile was bright, making it harder to resist, but I needed time to think.`

`“No, it’s fine, really Jackson. Besides, you’ve done way more than enough. I’m just sorry that I fainted on you.” I opened the front door and took a step onto the concrete stairwell. “Thanks for helping me though, alright?” I smiled back at him.`

`Jackson sighed, then nodded once. “Sure thing. See you at school though, right?”`

`My mouth fell open, slightly parted from confusion. “Yeah... I guess.” is all I could say back as I descended the stairs.`

`The walk home was cold and lonely. My head was throbbing from pain and my nerves were on fire.`

`Jackson agreeing to SafeWalk me home was one thing, but now he was looking forward to seeing me at school by choice.`

`It would be a lie to say I hadn’t come up with a million scenarios in my head about how Jackson and I would come to be friends. I used to sit in English class staring at the back of his head, coming up with lines, with scripts, completing every detail down to what we’d be wearing when we hung out.`

`This specific scenario hadn’t ever come up though. No way did I expect a girl going missing from our school, the entire school going into hyper-vigilance, and Jackson agreeing to take me home safely.`

`I reached my house in half the time due to how anxious I was about everything. My mind was still foggy, but there were a few things I was sure of:`

`First was that Jackson and Jasmine had a connection that was deeper than that of “just friends.”`

`Second, Jackson was absolutely the last person to see her alive. I could confirm that because I saw them with my own two eyes - granted I broke the law by trespassing to do it - but I could confirm it nonetheless.`

`Now that I was home, standing in my small bathroom, I was able to confirm a third thing: I didn’t faint.`

`As I stood in front of the mirror, my hand trembling as I reached around the back of the crown of my head, I felt around until I discovered a lump that was incredibly sore to the touch.`

`I winced at the pain, drawing my hand back. There was blood on my fingers.`

`I stared down at the blood, unsure what to make of it. The large lump and cut in my head could only mean one thing, I realized.`

`The third thing I could now confirm was that I did not faint, and Jackson became incredibly aggravated when asked about Jasmine. And now that meant he knew I knew he was with her.`

`I ran back from the bathroom into the kitchen where my backpack was, reaching inside for my cellphone. I dug passed around until I realized that my cellphone wasn’t there. The cellphone I was using to track Jackson’s social media with fake accounts.`

`It was missing.`

`I never let my backpack or my belongings out of my sight, ever.`

`But that wasn’t the only thing missing. I dug around through all the pockets until I was able to confirm that my journal was missing.`

`The same binder where I had scribbled Jackson’s name over a thousand times through the pages, and kept very specific and lengthy descriptions of what Jackson wore that day, what he looked like, how I felt about him.`

`I realized there was a fourth thing I could now confirm: Jackson had possession of both my cellphone and my journal.`


	6. Chapter 6

`When I took a step onto the cold tarmac of the school, I knew things were different.`

`The buzz of the school, and the general atmosphere was unnerving.`

`My presence at school was that of a ghost, I rarely garnered any attention on most days. However, as I walked through the school, I couldn’t help but notice the stares, and the whispers that cut short as I walked by.`

`Something was going on.`

`I tossed my hood over my head, my red hair fell messily over my face. I had complained in the past before about being invisible and how it was sometimes lonely, but at that moment in time I wanted nothing more than to disappear.`

`The dull pain in my head was becoming easier to manage, Advil had become my best friend, and although it left me with a headache, the wound on my head was healing slowly.`

`I headed directly for my locker and opened it, saddened and worried by the empty space where my journal usually sat. My mind flashed to Jackson, and for a moment I wondered if he had taken it from me, or if I dropped it on the ground.`

`I couldn’t decide which option I preferred more.`

`“Hey, loser.”`

`The voice was unfamiliar and startled me as I shut my metal locker with a slam.`

`I turned to the side and was met by a young man, a year above me, standing expectantly in front of me.`

`“Can I help you?” My voice wavered in response, I hadn’t intended to appear as snarky as I did.`

`“Yeah, you can. You can tell me where the fuck my friend Jasmine is.” The young man’s brows arched aggressively, and his stance changed immediately to that of a challenge.`

`My hands trembled and my pulse quickened. Confrontation - or attention at all - was something I was not fond of.`

`“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I rushed my answer and tried to swerve around him.`

`He stretched out an arm and grabbed me, easily stopping me from continuing.`

`“I said where is she?” His jawbone flexed as he pushed me backward into the set of lockers. My back slammed into the door painfully.`

`“Who are you? What’s your problem?” I cried out, rubbing my shoulder.`

`His answer wasn’t verbal, instead he swung a fist at me that connected before I had time to process what was happening.`

`The force from the punch knocked me to the cement. My adrenaline was masking what pain I should have felt.`

`I placed a hand on my cheek; I felt tears fighting their way to my eyes. I was still in shock.`

`I had no time to process any thoughts before another strike hit me like a truck. The boy’s foot burned itself into my ribs, knocking the wind out of me.`

`I laid helplessly on the ground, coughing violently to catch whatever breath I could, all while my cheek bled down my face.`

`The entire side of my body was in agony, I was certain he’d broken a rib.`

`I had no energy to even stare my assailant in the eyes. In fact, I didn’t care to. I had resigned to the fact that he was going to beat the shit out of me and there was nothing I could do.`

`A tear rolled down my cheek as I braced myself for another impact, but it didn’t come.`

`“Jaebum, that’s enough.” Jackson’s voice rang through the hall, approaching fast.`

`“Fuck off Jackson.” the young man, presumably named Jaebum, responded.`

`“I’m serious. Get outta here.” Jackson growled; his usually jovial attitude was now tense and frightening.`

`Jaebum wasted no time swinging at Jackson too, but the latter easily dodged the punch and answered with a rigid knee to the stomach. Jaebum coughed in pain and hit the floor, rolling weakly to the side.`

`“Leave. Now.” Jackson commanded, offering a helping hand to Jaebum.`

`Jaebum looked up at him with a sneer, a tense few seconds passed before he got to his feet and smacked Jackson’s hand away.`

`“You’ve been touched by an angel, freak.” He scoffed at me, kicking my shoe one last time before proceeding down the hallway and out of sight.`

`I calmed my breathing down enough to speak again, my first question was directed at Jackson, who was now standing above me with the same helping hand extended toward me.`

`“Why?” I muttered lowly.`

`“Well... Would you like me to call him back so he can continue killing you slowly?” He shot back at me, reaching down to pull me to my feet.`

`“I mean, thanks.” I corrected myself as I rose.`

`Jackson patted down my clothes, his hands dusted away whatever debris clung to the fabric.`

`“Are you okay?” He asked me, his hand on my chin, adjusting my face to get a better look at the damage. “Damn, he got you pretty good. You need ice. Let’s get you to the nurse.”`

`He placed a hand on my lower back, ushering me toward the school’s infirmary. Everything was happening so quickly.`

`Jackson’s hand was so warm against my back, I wasn’t even questioning why he was helping me.`

`*`

`The nurse applied an antiseptic fluid on my cheek; it stung upon contact, making me wince away.`

`“Let her clean it, idiot.” Jackson said from the other chair.`

`“Tell me who did this, I need to report it.” The nurse ordered, focusing intently on my wound.`

`I flinched now and then at her touch, sharply inhaling to stop myself from crying.`

`“His name’s Jaebum.” Jackson interjected before I could answer the nurse, “Don’t worry about him though, m’am. As a member of the student council and the leader of the SafeWalk movement, I will see to it personally and make sure he’s punished appropriately.”`

`“OK. All done. Please go to a hospital and have your ribs examined, they could be be broken. This is serious.” The nurse advised. I nodded and left the room, Jackson following me closely.`

`I walked slowly, partly because my body was in intense pain, but also because I was so unsure of what was transpiring between Jackson and I.`

`“Do you want me to take you to the hospital?” He asked from behind me, he seemed genuinely concerned.`

`Just then I remembered my notebook and my cellphone, I was still unsure if Jackson had them.`

`“I... um... I lost my notebook. I think I may have left it at your house. My cellphone, too.” I said, staring down at my shoes.`

`“Yeah. You did.” is all he said back.`

`I felt my face grow hot. Suddenly I became so uncomfortable I felt the urge to puke, but fought it back.`

`“Did... you read my journal?” the words were shaky and barely audible. I managed to glance up at Jackson’s face.`

`His stare was completely blank and offered more questions than answers.`

`I stood a few feet away from him, every inch of my body was begging for him to say no, and yet a small, deep-seated part of me wished for the opposite.`

`“Why don’t you let me drive you to the hospital first, I can give you the notebook back. It’s in my car.” Jackson pointed toward the parking lot. “I will let the principal know we’re heading to the hospital.”`

`I reluctantly agreed, following Jackson’s lead out to the car. Every step was more agonizing than the next.`

` _What is going on? Why is he being so nice to me? Did he read my journal? Does he know? Why are people whispering about me, and why does Jaebum think I had anything to do with Jasmine’s disappearance?_ `

` The words swirled around in my head, further increasing the migraine I already had from the gash on my head and cheek.`

`*`

`I closed the door to the car and waited patiently for Jackson to enter the driver’s seat. When he did, he didn’t start up the car.`

`We sat in cold silence for what felt like an eternity before he turned his head and looked at me.`

`I felt his gaze on the side of my face, and it felt as though he was looking right through me.`

`“Why do you document everything I do, everywhere I go, and everything I wear?” He finally asked, his voice filled with the same blank, emotionless demeanor as before.`

`My heart was racing, pounding away at my damaged ribs, causing me more pain.`

`I couldn’t speak at all; not even a word.`

`“Here.” He quipped, tossing my cellphone at me, it landed on my lap carelessly. “What’s going on Mark? Or... should I say, _Suzanne?”_`

` My throat was dry as I searched my mind for a response, anything at all, to say to him. The air in the car was getting thinner and thinner as each second passed.`

`He started the car just then, quickly maneuvering us out of the parking lot. We were headed in the opposite direction of the hospital.`

`“Where are we going?” I dared to ask. I could feel his annoyance growing the more I dodged his obvious questions.`

`Jackson sighed and cleared his throat.`

`“You should know by now, Mark, that stalking is a criminal offense. It’s not something to be taken lightly.” his words were very matter-of-factly, I almost felt as though I was being scolded by my parent.`

`“Where are we going?” I asked again, trying to ignore his lecture, the fear in my voice was evident.`

`His grip on the steering wheel tensed.`

`“Don’t act like you don’t know where we’re headed. You know where I live, don’t you? In fact... you know everything about me.” He replied, turning onto the street that his community was on. “We’re going to my house.”`

`“I’m sorry, Jackson.” I pleaded, desparation growing inside me.`

`“It’s too late, Mark.” He responded in a fornlorn voice. “You need to be punished.”`

 


End file.
